A Salute to the Human Spirit

I wonder how I was able to finish all of my regular 8 chemos esp. the last , when I always doubt that I’ll endure the 8 days after chemo.  ( The 8th day after chemo is when there is somewhat a semblance of taste of the food in my mouth, fatigue is much less, and the constipation-diarrhea symphony is over).

Now, on my 5th day after chemo, I’ve tried to cook food, what seemed to me I can tolerate, only to be disappointed when I tried to eat. I’ve been up almost all night simply bec. there’s no need to sleep as every once in a while during the day, I seek my bed as I couldn’t sit up for as much as one hour without the feeling of fatigue engulfing me.

Now I understand what Father L said then during his chemo days, that he feels like losing his sanity.  He had it tougher as he was on the chemo pump for 3 straight days and was confined in the hospital  every time he had to go for it.  Yes, I know how it feels to almost lose your sanity.  Yes, every after chemo, I wanted to scream bec. I’m hungry but I could not eat the delicious food available to me;  bec, I could not sleep well every night after the 3rd day;  bec. I cannot go out and mingle with the crowd  bec. of the lowered immune system; bec. I hate wearing the nose mask everywhere;   bec. I am bored with staying at home and watching TV and doing the same home routine;  bec. I could not buy the things I wanted to buy as there are impending expenses and worse of all, I do not know what lies ahead.

So I salute the human spirit and the fortitude I may have developed because when I was called upon to endure, I endured.  When I thought I couldn’t last one chemo cycle, I endured 8 tough ones.  I endured… the needles, the long hours at the chemo room and the wig during summer.

6 thoughts on “A Salute to the Human Spirit

  1. I am a huge admirer! You put into words so well what people without cancer can’t feel. I lost my Mother to it and I was her nurse. I know some of your experience. Please do not stop writing! You have a gift and if you can enlighten even one person to the struggle, that is wonderful. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please, let’s keep in touch. Thank you again for what you write.

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  2. I salute you…and I pray with you because I know that these are not easy times for you. I hope that the writing allows you to release those thoughts and emotions freely. Some times sitting down to write causes thoughts and emotions to flow out of you and when you’ve released it a kind peace comes over you. I pray for that peace for you as you document your journey. I watched my brother and my mother fight this battle and I read your words with emotions that resurfaced from those times but I’m behind you fighting with you in prayer and in thought. Take care!

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    1. Thanks! Yes, writing and interacting with fellow-cancer patients and those who experienced this illness through their loved ones helps. And when you’re home bound, especially after chemo, there’s not much I can do but write.

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