This “Depression” Thing.

I said I’d be very happy just as soon as I’m through with my regular chemo.. But there are nights when I wake up feeling depressed.

Maybe because I have to deal with radiation next  and the daily commute to the hospital . After radiation, there’d be the Herceptin infusions still;

Maybe because almost two months after my last chemo, there’s still the bitter-acidic taste that lingers in my tongue and trying to avoid animal meat, sweets  and caffeine is tough;

Maybe because I hate it that the illness came when I was trying to fix some things in my life and going for that last train trip to reach some goals. Now, I’m not only too old, I am also very sick, so how do I make it?;

Maybe because I learned of the wife of a cousin who finished her treatment for breast cancer (although she didn’t do the Herceptin when she was advised by the doctor) now has bone cancer after two years;

Maybe because my best friend in church is now too busy taking care of her husband who has lung cancer, she dropped out of church activities;

Maybe because I am dependent on someone who is not fun to be with, to watch over the house when I’m out.(I can do the housework now, but my sisters insist I keep the  live-in “help”). I’d rather be alone (my married nephew lives nearby) I can break out into my sing and dance whenever I feel like it or cook my vegetarian meals without considering what she’ll eat and of course, I can save a lot without her since there is not much to do around here, anyway.

The last thing I need now is to be depressed. Didn’t I read about the guy who had cancer but was healed just by watching funny shows everyday and having great laughs?

8 thoughts on “This “Depression” Thing.

    1. I do my Zumba dancercise when I need to but I put down the blinds so she can’t see me. How I wish she does not have to be there so I don’t have to hide behind the blinds. There are advantages and disadvantages to having a home companion(Sigh).

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  1. Hi there. I’m a sister on the journey and wanted to drop in and encourage you. I have two more rounds of chemo, then radiation, and I’ll be on Herceptin through June of 2016. From what I understand, depression isn’t all that uncommon, so I hope you won’t beat yourself up for having the blues. This is a tough road we are traveling – so many different ways it effects us. (including the meds jacking around with our hormones and other body chemistries, which could also be part of the blues). I think it sounds like a great idea to LAUGH as much as possible. That is what I trying to do, especially on a particularly hard day. Have you gone on any sort of detox cleanse since finishing chemo? That is my plan. It’s like the REBUILD after the tear down process, isn’t it? Wishing you well….and a mouth that tastes normal again (boy, do I feel your pain there.)

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    1. They say “Laughter is the best medicine”, but sometimes I can’t help feel the fear, the tediousness of the procedures and tests, the dependence on people close to me and of course, the expenses! But we must do our best not to allow negative emotions as they would stimulate cancer-causung hormones.

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