I said I’d be very happy just as soon as I’m through with my regular chemo.. But there are nights when I wake up feeling depressed.
Maybe because I have to deal with radiation next and the daily commute to the hospital . After radiation, there’d be the Herceptin infusions still;
Maybe because almost two months after my last chemo, there’s still the bitter-acidic taste that lingers in my tongue and trying to avoid animal meat, sweets and caffeine is tough;
Maybe because I hate it that the illness came when I was trying to fix some things in my life and going for that last train trip to reach some goals. Now, I’m not only too old, I am also very sick, so how do I make it?;
Maybe because I learned of the wife of a cousin who finished her treatment for breast cancer (although she didn’t do the Herceptin when she was advised by the doctor) now has bone cancer after two years;
Maybe because my best friend in church is now too busy taking care of her husband who has lung cancer, she dropped out of church activities;
Maybe because I am dependent on someone who is not fun to be with, to watch over the house when I’m out.(I can do the housework now, but my sisters insist I keep the live-in “help”). I’d rather be alone (my married nephew lives nearby) I can break out into my sing and dance whenever I feel like it or cook my vegetarian meals without considering what she’ll eat and of course, I can save a lot without her since there is not much to do around here, anyway.
The last thing I need now is to be depressed. Didn’t I read about the guy who had cancer but was healed just by watching funny shows everyday and having great laughs?