More than three years after my mastectomy (Stage 2b invasive ductal CA), I feel it’s about time to go back into business as the online writing jobs that I dabble in pay peanuts. I was hoping I could go back to my old life again – waking up and raring to go every morning! Right now, it’s mostly church volunteer work and house chores. I feel I am wasting my talents, not doing more.
A few days ago, I’ve learned about the wife of a cousin who has the same ailment as myself but contracted it earlier by more than one year, is in ICU as cancer has spread to the lungs. She was able to overcome the disease when it spread to her bones the previous year, but looks like her bouts with metastases has weakened her physically. Like me, she has Her2+ positive breast CA but she did not undergo Herceptin infusion. Hopefully, my advantage is I did.
Suddenly, putting up a business and earning money seemed no longer that important. I regret feeling bad that I’m using my talent and education for things that do not pay cash like working to advance the goals of the Basic Ecclesial Community in our area. I even spend my own money just to get things done. I have taken it for granted that I will get back to my old self and live long, although I’m anxious about the side effect of Tamoxifen on my uterus. Or switching to the alternative, I will have trouble with osteoporosis and probably suffer broken bones if I accidentally fall. I suddenly realized that maybe I will not have enough time to do what needs to be done and all that I’m thinking of is putting up a business and earning money. Last February, I attended a Healing Mass and the priest said some get healed, some do not because those who get healed have to complete their life mission first before they go to the Lord. I know that I still have much to do for the Lord’s vineyard, and it is up to Him to decide on when I will go.