“A Certain Sadness”

It was supposed to be a fun and hectic day yesterday, Saturday. It was the 50th Wedding Anniversary of our sis in the Religious Community and we helped decorate the chapel with flowers and sashes, and celebrated in the afternoon. But somehow, I felt a tinge of sadness and lack of enthusiasm.

Maybe because I’ve just learned that Fr. Lorenzo had a cancer recurrence in the kidney and he had an operation to have it removed. He had a stage 4 Lung cancer and was a cancer survivor for 8 years and was even featured in the PH Medical Oncology Association. He was a jolly old soul which was the reason I thought he beat cancer. This, after my close friend died also from a cancer recurrence 2 months ago. And in a month’s time I will be going for diagnostic tests again.

Probably, I was also disappointed that Saturday morning. I usually give the introductory talk (about 15-20 minutes) in our monthly Christian Values discussion for the junior Legionaries in our chapel. I was so enthusiastic about the topic, only to find there were only 7 attendees. And to make it worse, the Water Company was noisily digging on the street near the chapel that I have to strain hard in order to be heard. Sometimes I wish our leader would stop assigning me this duty as I already have so many duties in the chapel. There are days when I am already thinking of giving up on volunteer work as it is eating up time for my personal concerns but I am bothered by a sense of guilt that I would be depriving the community of my little contribution to make the world a little better.

Despite our President’s vulgar personality and dictatorial tendencies, the candidates he endorsed are the ones topping the surveys while the opposition candidates are trailing behind. This really upsets me as I try to do my share in campaigning for the good senatorial candidates for the May elections. What do the majority see in this President that I cannot see?

And to top it all, my nephew is moving his family to Bicol near his parents as I write and if I wanted to see them, I have to travel a good 13-15-hours drive. There are no direct flights going there. However, my nephew is going back to Malaysia where he is assigned as an engineer after two weeks. It was part of their plan that they would move there in 2015 to help with the family business. They kept on postponing the move, I thought it will never happen. It is hard to be suddenly faced with the possibility that it would take months or years before I see them again.

But life goes on.

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