Setting goals when the Pandemic set in was hard enough. But when my sister succumbed to COVID-19, it was even harder. As a breast cancer survivor, I don’t know how far ahead I can look to set my goals. Before the Pandemic, I was looking forward to travelling with my sisters, deciding on whether to move in with my younger sister’s family as her husband insisted I should, as I live alone. I was also thinking of inviting them to live with me instead as their house is not yet fully paid although it is bigger, well-designed and with a landscaped and spacious lawn. My sister was not into plants, and I would love to make it even more greener as I am a certified “plantita” even before the gardening craze caused by the “lockdown”. But then, my sister and her husband died suddenly, and I sort of lost my footing. My sisters are the ones who truly care about me. And my older sister lives far away from me, a 12-15 hours drive away from my place. I would also love to live there, but I have to go for treatments and check-ups every 6 months here.
And so, I go about living half-heartedly, undecided about many things like on whether to have my house repaired or do minor renovations, to try to drive again (where will I go anyway?), to put up a little business, to bake or cook fancy dishes ( I’m on a diet, and gatherings are risky even with family). I can’t even set the dates when I’ll go to the dentist or ophthalmologist for check-ups, even though it’s long overdue.
But since a person needs to have goals or she loses the will to live, I looked for other people who may need my help like the 6-year old son of the chapel caretaker who is so thin, who I’m trying to fatten up, overseeing little building projects in the chapel, or immersing myself in my garden, feeling fulfilled when the flowering plants bloom or cuttings the neighbors gave me, thrive and sprout leaves.
After the Sunday Mass, I felt like the cloud lifted when we bought some plants from a neighbor who has just moved into the neighborhood . (Her house is near the chapel). She’s not really into selling plants but we were able to convince her to sell since she has an enormous collection and some are overgrown and because of lack of space, she has to use the space beyond her house. She invited us for coffee and salad and we had so much fun talking even though I was wary of the Covid-19. There were only five of us, anyway.